You may be overwhelmed and feel like you have no space. However, when you pause and ask yourself “what would more look like?” you may be surprised by the answer. While that voice is there for you, it may be a very small voice at times. It may be drowned out by the noise of your life, your very real problems, your feeling that you should really be grateful for what you already have.

In busy organizations, another barrier can emerge. It can feel like sacrilege to admit that you are underchallenged. You may know that you are bored and want more, but feel like you should be able to solve that problem yourself. You hear the voice of wanting more clearly, but you may be shutting it down before you really hear the message.

To live your life fully, you can practice both being grateful and wanting more. They complement each other, and help you find balance and continue your growth. Holding both, and feeling that natural tension will keep you on track to live in the moment with full gratitude, while also continuing on your own journey of personal and professional growth. When life is at its best, you live these natural tensions fully, feeling the pull of both sides, and finding this is another type of support for your choices.

As a leader for several decades, I led organizational wellness and development initiatives within and well beyond my own staff. I left work on time, and mostly left work out of my personal time. I did my best to model work-life balance. However, I was largely out of balance in some fundamental ways.

Being asked what more would look like opened a door that had been barricaded shut for many years. I was so good at being grateful for what I had, so very deeply grateful for the wonders of my work and life, that I neglected to ask what more would look like. I think this was also because I had some real challenges in my world that made more feel out of reach, more felt like something I would get to later. And my job was absolutely amazing. But deep down, I knew what more would really look like, and the minute I really held the question, I knew that moving toward full time coaching and facilitating growth was what I truly wanted.

I see the tension in my clients all the time, especially now. My clients are sharp, insightful and full of passion, like you. You have dedicated yourself to you career and perhaps your family. You have done exciting things and challenged yourself. But you may feel stuck where you are. You know you are dynamic, independent and incisive, but you may feel like you are tethered to the world you created for yourself. Of course, if you are without work now you may feel even more stuck where you are, and more tethered to what you think you should be doing in these times.

My invitation to you is to just peek behind that door. What would it look like to want more? Starting with the limits on your world doesn’t leave you the space to see what’s there. Put those limits aside for now, and let yourself dream. Hold what’s central to you from what’s behind that door.

Knowing what you want opens other doors of possibility. You can decide to work towards a longer-term goal, or listen for opportunities that move you toward what you want. When I decided to move toward coaching, part of my revelation was that although I thought of myself as fearless and intrepid, I’d had the same job, house and husband for three decades. I wanted to keep the house and husband, but move on a path toward a second career. I changed my retirement plan to make sure I had space for a full second career.

What happened was not what I had planned (two years before my planned shift, my work at the US Agency for International Development ended abruptly with the closure of the Agency). However, I was prepared for that moment. I had already started my business and knew what to do in the turmoil. Even more, I had an opportunity to go to Vermont for four months last year. While I did keep that house and husband, I had a brief sabbatical from the life I lived for 30 years. My insight a year earlier made me ready to jump immediately on that opportunity, even though I hadn’t been looking for it. I knew what I wanted, and could immediately recognize an unexpected growth step.

I invite you to consider some reflections. You can do this alone, in a journal or with a friend or partner. Think about how you process most effectively, and work on the questions that speak to you.

• Start with gratitude. What are you grateful for today?

• Move to what you want, or even crave. What would more look like for you?

• Notice your reaction to what you want. If you are shutting yourself down with constraints, try again. Regardless of what feels possible, what does wanting more look like?

• Step back a moment. How does it feel to imagine what you want?

• Hold that feeling. How can you be in touch with what you want, and carry that with you?

• Decide if that leads to action now. Do you want to commit to any steps to move you towards what more would look like? What are those first steps?

Taking the time to explore what you want is an act of self-kindness. It helps you shift from living in scarcity to living in abundance–and this helps you see paths that you might not have otherwise discovered.

The first step (and I hope you see a pattern here) is to become aware of your energy levels now. Take a moment and check in with yourself:

• Are you energized, or bored, and ready for more?

• Are you overwhelmed at the thought of facing what’s on your plate?

• Are you tired or drained?

You may have mixed signals, and that’s ok. We are complex, ever evolving beings. You may also start with how you think you should feel, and don’t listen to the signals your body is sending. For example, if you are foggier than usual, you might discount that feeling telling yourself that you should feel ok because you got enough sleep, or already took a day off for a cold.

It might be your long held habit–to push through fatigue, rather than to rest. Of course, it’s ok to push through. But many mission-driven organizations have cultures that push you out of balance, and its up to you to guard your own energy and find the right balance for you.

Whatever you do, don’t disconnect from those warning signals your body gives you. Those signals are your friends, and you need to pay attention to what they tell you. I know most of us (myself included) feel that we should bounce back more quickly from illness, surgery, tragedy, or even everyday challenges. When your body is telling you it’s tired, it may mean you do need more time to recover or you may be processing something in the background.

Listen first, connect with yourself and know what’s going on. Bring self-compassion to yourself, maybe even self kindness. If you went through a traumatic job loss or your job just got more stressful–all of these are changes that drain you hard and keep on draining. Even if you think that you already grieved or already took care of a problem, your body tells you the truth. You can often see in hindsight with deep compassion what you needed. In the moment, you may push through without pausing first to offer yourself that insight and kindness.

Once you know your energy balance, take a look at your energy budget. You have energy vampires and energy fairies in your life.

• What are your energy vampires?

• Can you conquer any troublesome vampires, or minimize exposure?

• What are your energy fairies?

• How can you bring the energy fairies to your life?

• How in balance are the vampires and fairies?

Manage your energy balance with care. Look for the energy vampires and see where you can avoid or eliminate them. If you have a path ahead that is unavoidably thick with vampires, invest in those energy fairies! You need them now more than ever.

I know that when my energy balance is high, I can invest my energy and even have an appetite for engagements that I know will drain me. I can handle them with little impact. But when my energy is low, I am more selective. I do what I need to and do my best to buffer, even if that’s planning something to look forward to later.

If your current situation is energy vampire ridden, do not discount that. There are tools to manage even the toughest situations. You may assume there is nothing you can do, but with reflection and support, you can find your way.

Whatever your situation, cherish your energy. Guard it, feed it and replenish often!

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At a recent training I delivered on leadership and resilience, I talked about managing chronic stress and overwhelm. As an example, I told the group about my experience having two kids back to back, in a job with little flexibility. In that situation, I made a very reasonable and appropriate decision to push through. I accepted that if you had young children, you were sleep deprived and often sick. I also accepted that I would double down and suffer through it. I was in my first leadership role, and I wanted to do well. I was overwhelmed and my stress and activation levels were super high.

I look back on that time with self-compassion. I also recognize that while there were changes I could have made, some of these challenges were situational and hard to mitigate.

A participant in this training asked me how long it took me to adjust and bring down those stress and activation levels. The answer: 22 years. When my situation evolved and presented opportunities to build resilience, I didn’t downshift. I just stayed in high gear.

That was not wise or necessary. I became used to being tired and always in crisis mode. I gained increasing responsibility over the years, being a mom got hard, and I volunteered in my spare time. Then being a mom got extra-hard, and I volunteered even more. I was busy, but more importantly, I was stressed all the time. My blood pressure went up, and I was often sick. Unsurprisingly, over time I found myself more sick, more often.

What I know now is that I could have made different choices. I could have paid attention to how I felt, physically and emotionally, and taken time to adapt. I believe I could have spared myself, my friends, colleagues and family some of the stress I carried with me.

I thought this was normal. I worked in a high-intensity environment where crisis was common. I became so good at handling a crisis, or many crises. I didn’t realize that I didn’t need to carry that much stress, even in that intense context. On top of this, I ignored blatant physical warning signals.

I was not alone. Many of us dismiss our stress, knowing that others also have pressures and stresses. We know that others have pressures, but we do ourselves no favors by discounting our own situation and challenges. We do ourselves a big disservice when we disconnect our warning signals, overruling the physical and emotional warning lights and telling ourselves that it is normal to feel overwhelmed and unwell.

Here is what I offer you to help build your own awareness and toolkit:

• Know what stress feels like. Where do you feel it in your body? What tells you you are overwhelmed?

• Check on how you feel, and what that tells you. Listen to yourself with self-compassion. Do not dismiss your emotional and physical needs and feelings

• Track what elevates your activation and stress, use a tool like the Subjective Units of Distress table to see where you are right now (I’ve adapted this from many online models, you can use this one or search for the one that speaks to you).

• Notice what helps you decompress and rebalance your activation level. These are your tools to hold close and reach for when you feel overwhelmed again.

I don’t have regrets about the life I have lived. I made the choices I could with the tools I had. At the same time, I hope to offer tools to others, and to use these tools for the life I live now.

Awareness that we are overwhelmed is a first step to clarity. We reconnect with our bodies and open ourselves up to seeing where we are, not where we tell ourselves we are or where we think we should be. Awareness helps you find your way through the work of bringing back more presence, acceptance and joy into your life

Most of my clients are overwhelmed, burned out, or want to level up, but aren’t sure how. You know that there is a problem to be solved, and are feeling stuck.

You may have a lot of thoughts on how to address your issue, and they are likely to conflict. Candidly, most of us get in our own way of tackling our problems. I know I do. You may have a clear sense of what you want or need, but you may believe you don’t have the agency to make it happen. I have found that most of us have tools for even the most challenging of situations. However, the barriers to finding our way are real, and it may help to look at how we approach our life challenges.

The first step is to pause. Trying to solve problems before you let them percolate can backfire. Pause and reflect on the issue. What is your current situation, and what do you want your situation to be? Why does it matter? Get to know the problem before you jump to action and try to fix it. This is uncomfortable, but sitting in discomfort is powerful.

As you pause and get to know your problem better, ask yourself a few questions to see what barriers you may have to addressing your challenge:

• Are you discounting your problem? You may think that others have it worse, so perhaps you should be grateful for your situation (job, marriage, child) despite the real challenges or dreams you are wrestling with.

• Have you jumped to–and quickly dismissed–a solution? The solution may be scary, it may be expensive, it may not be well understood. Or you may not have considered a broader set of approaches to your situation.

• Do you feel you don’t have the time to take the first steps? This is incredibly common, and contributes to the issues I list above, and often means we let the pressure grow as we wait for the magical day that we have more time.

• Are you judging yourself for the problem? Is shame or embarrassment preventing you from looking clearly at either the problem or the solution? Can you pause and let yourself sit with your issue without the fog of judgement, even if only briefly?

Now that you’ve taken a bit of time and hopefully found some space (and maybe perspective), here are some first steps that can help:

• Take a minute to center yourself. Breathe, exercise, walk–whatever you need. Even just one minute can be powerful.

• Explore your issue or desire a little more, and hold back the judgement. You can sit and think, journal, or talk to a trusted person who can listen without trying to solve your problem or play it down.

• Notice the feelings this stirs up and just let them be with you for a bit. Even the uncomfortable ones. Make a little space, even if it’s also just for a minute.

Notice how that problem sits now. You may see it differently, perhaps the important issue isn’t the one at the top of your mind. You may see other solutions. You may feel less distress.

I hope that slowing down and bringing a quieter, and perhaps a curious and open mind to our own problems shifts the whole process. You may start with a clearly defined issue, but it’s not the issue that’s really holding you back. Or you may have defined the issue narrowly, and later realize you want to go deeper to find what needs to shift. That shift can be huge or small, both are powerful.

The amazing news is that these are all approaches you can tackle little by little. I invite you to test these how it works best for you, whether that is little by little or all at once

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The path to reimagining is rich and rewarding, and it starts by cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion and then bringing curiosity and new tools to your life as you explore how to bring your full self forward: authentic, grounded and clear-eyed.

I am Cynthia Gill, an executive coach for those ready to reimagine their lives, particularly senior leaders. I have deep experience in leadership as a former executive leader at the US Agency for International Development, where I led the nature conservation sector for decades, while also providing leadership coaching and guiding organizational change and wellness work.

I invite you to embark on this path from where you are right now. Not from where you think you should be, or who you wish you were. You will look back on who you are today with compassion and kindness. You may see today as who you were, and you will know exactly why you were that person in that time. Bringing that kindness to yourself now is a powerful tool to help you forge your own path with clarity and alignment with what matters most to you.

You may find yourself itching for change. Ready for more and not sure what that looks like. Or, you may find it harder to find compassion, kindness and forgiveness for yourself right now. You may feel stuck or overwhelmed, unsure how to find your way out.

The fabulous news is that change comes from inspiration and also from deep despair. You make choices every day, some that help you move toward the future you want, and some that hold you back. The first step is practicing living more fully right where we are. Right now. To embrace each day, for better or for worse.

Here is some of the groundwork for this journey, to help you with your own practice:

• Trust your intuition: You need to get to know those voices in your head. Which are on your side? Which drown out important but quieter voices?

• Get to know your emotions: What do they tell you? Can you name them as they come? Can you make a little space for the uncomfortable feelings?

• Check in with your body: What is it telling you? How often do you overrule those signals and what balance have you found for your physical needs?

• Identify what matters: What is most important to you and how can you align your actions with these values?

My calling is to help you find what grounds you. I have lived through times I could not find my own ground –unhealthy, overwhelmed, and steering with white knuckles and a lot of hope. These times challenged me, but they also led me to who I am today.

Your challenges may unmoor you at times, but they also can help you see what really matters. They can help you find wisdom, and see the imperative in letting go of what isn’t serving you, what is noise instead of signal.

I outlined some concepts above, but let me leave you with one thought for today, one step you can take right now. What would self-compassion look like for you today?

• Would that be giving yourself grace for doing your best?

• Would that mean finding a pause to reset?

• Would that mean letting one thing go today?

Thank you for walking this journey with me, and please reach out if you want to talk–for a free conversation. You can learn more about me and my work at my website. I am at cynthia@focuscoaching.net, or you can book at time with me for a call to see how I can support you.